Wednesday, October 19, 2011

In a Funk

Up.  Down.  Up.  Down.  Down.  Up.  Down.  I'm just drained.  I'm more tired than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest (that's for you, Scott!).  That's how my last week has been.

I find myself going through the motions at work.  As each day passes, I feel more and more like the Peter Gibbon character in the movie, Office Space:
"I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way [they] can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour....I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

Generally, I can't read that quote without laughing out loud at the ridiculous nature of the movie and smile (though I do not recommended as a family movie).  However, today, this brings me no laughter.  In fact, nothing is making me laugh today.  I don't feel like smiling, eating, talking, walking, or blogging.  I just want to crawl into a corner and come out when this is all over.

Even after "working" a full day, I come home and I'm still tired.  Some days, I think it would be nice if I had a remote control for my life and just held the fast forward button for a couple of years.  Then, reality slaps me in the face and I realize that the emotional scars are not going to end in a couple of years.  This is going to leave a mark on me for the rest of my life.  I just feel sorry for my next kid...they are going to be so spoiled rotten!


  1. Cam,
    Again, I'm not sure what to say to comfort you. But don't give have to keep your faith alive. I realize our lives have not been entertwined in later years as they once were, but I'm still "that" Mama that spent hours talking to you and praying with you and praying for you about not giving up and you are still that same young man that I raised, that is capable of keeping the faith and being headstrong. I'm praying and don't ever forget that your mama loves you fiercely...I truly do. God will pour down upon you blessings that you couldn't possibly imagine. -Mama

  2. Mama,
    I know you're not sure what to say. Even Emily and I aren't sure what to say. And this is okay. A very sweet man at Papa's church told me today, "We pray for the Lord's will, but we do try to persuade Him at times." And I'm sticking to that! Speaking of blessings...I've STILL got your blessing that you gave me. I will never lose that for it is one of my most treasured possessions. I love you so. Thank you for loving me.


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