Saturday, October 22, 2011
Daddy's Little Princess
The roses and little bear are from my mom, Joy!!
And the calla lilies are from one of our friends in Texas!
Friday evening turned out to be very emotional. Emily, her mom, and I all shed tears of joy and pain while shopping at the mall. We ventured out into the world and braved the numerous questions and comments by baby store clerks and sales-persons. I cannot express how bad it stings to walk into a store with several other expecting moms and dads. Seeing their excitement and giddiness as they look at each onesie...or cringing as the sales-person approaches you to ask, "how far along are you?" or "isn't it exciting to play dress-up?"
On one hand, I want to tell them the whole story. But this is emotionally taxing and often makes them feel embarrassed, because they had no way to know what's going on. (Consider this: only 1 in 1,000 births are anencephalic babies. Of those babies diagnosed with anencephaly, 90-98% of the mothers choose to abort! This means approximately 3,600 out of 4,000 anencephalic babies are aborted each year in the US alone.)
On the other hand, I want to lie to them and pretend nothing is wrong. But this proves to be emotionally tragic as well, because they always have follow on questions. One lie leads to another question. And each question penetrates my heart with sadness and I can taste a bitterness in my mouth that I cannot describe. This usually leads to me telling them the whole story anyway.
Nonetheless, we went shopping. And we had fun doing it! I will forever treasure the memories we made with Caroline. Because we know her life is so precious, yet abbreviated, we decided to spend this Christmas as her "first Christmas" since she will most likely not be with us for Christmas 2012. We are still praying for her miracle, but realize that God may have even better plans for her. So, we went shopping for Christmas ornaments! As a guy, I have never been so excited to go shopping for ornaments. Haha. It's so true...having a baby girl will soften your heart like you wouldn't believe!!
We also decided to buy her a very special dress and little cap for her. You can't have a little angel without dressing her up like one!! Daddy's little angel is going to look so precious! I can't wait to hold my little girl. She's my whole world right now. And I thank the Lord above that He has given her to us, just as she is!
When we got home, we placed her little dress in what will be her nursery with the other things we have bought for her. Ironically enough, we bought this baby bib for her prior to getting the news of our special gift. She is definitely the star of her mommy's blog! (ourcarolinegrace.blogspot.com)