Saturday, October 22, 2011

Daddy's Little Princess

Most of our Friday was spent lounging around the house.  We have been remodeling...impeccable timing, I know!...but we started back in May, well before this journey began.  We were making excellent progress until....    We're still making some progress, but we have to play each day by ear.  Some days, I just don't feel like doing anything.  Other days, I have the strength to work umpteen hours on the house.  Friday was a day we had been waiting on for a while...we finally got our new kitchen countertops!!  Yay!  While the installers were working on our kitchen, we got two more visitors bearing gifts!

 The roses and little bear are from my mom, Joy!!
And the calla lilies are from one of our friends in Texas!

Friday evening turned out to be very emotional.  Emily, her mom, and I all shed tears of joy and pain while shopping at the mall.  We ventured out into the world and braved the numerous questions and comments by baby store clerks and sales-persons.  I cannot express how bad it stings to walk into a store with several other expecting moms and dads.  Seeing their excitement and giddiness as they look at each onesie...or cringing as the sales-person approaches you to ask, "how far along are you?" or "isn't it exciting to play dress-up?"

On one hand, I want to tell them the whole story.  But this is emotionally taxing and often makes them feel embarrassed, because they had no way to know what's going on.  (Consider this:  only 1 in 1,000 births are anencephalic babies.  Of those babies diagnosed with anencephaly, 90-98% of the mothers choose to abort!  This means approximately 3,600 out of 4,000 anencephalic babies are aborted each year in the US alone.) 

On the other hand, I want to lie to them and pretend nothing is wrong.  But this proves to be emotionally tragic as well, because they always have follow on questions.  One lie leads to another question.  And each question penetrates my heart with sadness and I can taste a bitterness in my mouth that I cannot describe.  This usually leads to me telling them the whole story anyway.

Nonetheless, we went shopping.  And we had fun doing it!  I will forever treasure the memories we made with Caroline.  Because we know her life is so precious, yet abbreviated, we decided to spend this Christmas as her "first Christmas" since she will most likely not be with us for Christmas 2012.  We are still praying for her miracle, but realize that God may have even better plans for her.  So, we went shopping for Christmas ornaments!  As a guy, I have never been so excited to go shopping for ornaments.  Haha.  It's so true...having a baby girl will soften your heart like you wouldn't believe!!

We also decided to buy her a very special dress and little cap for her.  You can't have a little angel without dressing her up like one!!  Daddy's little angel is going to look so precious!  I can't wait to hold my little girl.  She's my whole world right now.  And I thank the Lord above that He has given her to us, just as she is!

When we got home, we placed her little dress in what will be her nursery with the other things we have bought for her.  Ironically enough, we bought this baby bib for her prior to getting the news of our special gift.  She is definitely the star of her mommy's blog! (


  1. Most precious moments. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Cam,
    Your story has broken my heart and your faith has amazed me. I am praying for a miracle for Caroline Grace and for strength and comfort for you and Emily.
    Stefanie Hyatt

  3. @ Mama: You're very welcome. I just wish I could share more. Thank you for your loving support. I wish you knew how much your every word means to me. Thank you for sending me your love (and flowers and bear!) from home in SC! I love you and miss you.

    @ Stefanie: I can't thank you enough for your heartfelt prayers and words of comfort. Your comment is an inspiration for me to keep going, not one day at a time, but one step at a time. Thank you.


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