Wednesday, October 12, 2011

First Doctor's Visit Since the Big News

Real Time (finally caught up on my blog posts!):  Second day back to work.  I still don't feel like waking up.  It probably didn't help that I stayed up until 3 am, but that's what happens when you can't sleep.  I am definitely dreading going to work again today.  I'm moving around a little faster than yesterday, but still missing a few cylinders...still late to work, but only half an hour late today!  Hey, that's progress, right?

Emily and I have a doctor's appointment with her OB-GYN today.  I'm very anxious about it.  I don't even have a clue why the appointment is necessary (nor does Emily!).  We don't have another scheduled sonogram until 3 weeks from now.  And all of Emily's blood work has been completed.  It should be a routine check-up, but nothing is routine these days.  Hopefully, we'll get to meet Dr. Williams in person today.  I have so many questions and concerns. 

Emily has a lot of questions too.  But we are on different wavelengths.  She is concerned more about the short term things while I am thinking long term.  As the man, I am more concerned about provisions - life insurance for Caroline, funeral arrangements, where we will bury her, how to transport her from the hospital to the funeral home, etc.  Emily can't handle these thoughts yet.  She thinks that I have given up on a miracle.  That is not the case.  I am definitely still praying for a miracle on a daily basis, but I am also preparing for the worst.  This is a very delicate balance and I'm not doing it too well!  

As for my other questions...I don't want Emily to be included in a lamaze class with a bunch of moms with healthy babies.  That would be too painful.  Our delivery is likely to be much different anyway and we definitely need to be prepared.  So, how do we prepare for the delivery?? 

If Caroline does survive the delivery, it is estimated that she will live for just a few minutes to a few hours.  And a lot of times, anencephalic babies are bottom heavy.  Without a brain and skull, most of their weight is in their legs and stomach.  Therefore, it's very common for them to be in a breech position.    What happens if Caroline has to be delivered via C-section?  If Emily is given an anesthetic, will she be conscious for Caroline's delivery?  I want Emily to be conscious so she can hold Caroline, especially if Caroline only has a few minutes to live.  Ugh...too much to think about today...more to follow after the appointment.

God, be with us... 

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