My Blessing

When Dr. Williams first told me that Caroline Grace would not survive, my immediate thought was to pray for God's miraculous healing.  I was not going to limit His power.  So, I considered a miracle to be the greatest thing God could do in this situation and began praying for it.  And asking God for His miracle daily.  There has not been one day to pass without me praying for Caroline Grace's miracle.  I want my daughter to live a normal life!!

However, there is one flaw to my prayer.  A major flaw. 
It is a selfish plea.  It is an ulterior motive to bring me what I want. 

My desires are not necessarily the Lord's. 
In my human, temporal, and finite mind, the greatest thing I can fathom is for God to create a miraculous healing to give Caroline a brain and skull.  But it occurred to me (thanks be to my Sunday school class and much prayer)...a miracle is an amazing act of God's omnipotence, however, by praying for a miracle, I am actually limiting God to ONLY a miracle.  Yeah!

I am only thinking of myself.  And not His entire Kingdom.

What if God has bigger plans? 
Yes, it is possible for God to have bigger plans than miraculously healing Caroline!  This is hard to wrap my head around because I desperately want her to be healed!  But I have peace in knowing that God is already using her to touch thousands of lives just as she is.  And He may not have ANY plans to change her, because He is omniscient and knows things that we will never understand.  His plan for her is far greater than anything I could ever conjure in my severely limited powers. 

As of today, I have been posting blogs on this site for 3 weeks.
So far, this site has been viewed 5,100+ times.  I realize a lot of these "hits" are the same people revisiting my blog, but this is an average of approximately 250 visits per day.  More than 5,000 times, someone has read about her life and her influence.
There have been visitors from Japan, South Korea, Spain, the United Kingdom, Switzerland, Canada, the Netherlands, Germany, and Aruba! 

For God to heal my Caroline would be a miracle.  But for God to see Emily and me through this pain and suffering, much like He supported Job in the Bible, may have an even greater impact on others in this world.

We are not the only ones to suffer in this world.  We are not the first to ask, "why?"  And I have had my fair share of moments in which I was angry that "this happened to me!?!"

But my God is greater!!

"Water You turned into wine
Opened the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power"
~"Our God" by Christ Tomlin

My God is strong enough to heal Caroline.
He is also strong enough to give us the strength for this journey.  

My faith in God is courageous enough to understand and KNOW and be at peace that He is still in control!!!
I do not curse him for giving me such an ugly diagnosis for my beautiful Caroline Grace.

Instead, I praise Him for my blessing.  I thank Him for Caroline and I thank Him for her anencephaly. 
She is in Your hands, Lord.
To you, God, be the glory!!  Forever!